Another Public Service Announcement- Practice Safe Clicking
More advice for those who really need it. Today, we'll be discussing safe clicking. No, you won't need to wear a condom while using the internet; I'm talking about honing your sense of skepticism when forwarding messages in email or reposting bulletins on myspace. Here's a step-by-step guide to avoiding looking like a twelve year old or somebody's grandma on the internet.

1. Read whatever it is you're forwarding/reposting. Like, really read it, don't just skim it for keywords. If it takes a little time, that's okay, as long as you actually understand what you're about to send to all your nearest and dearest.

2. Take a deep breath. To quote the great Patrick Norton, take a step back. Think about what you've just read. Ask yourself if you really want people to think that you were the one who wrote this badly-spelled, poorly-punctuated, RanDOmLy-CApitALIzEd message.

3. Turn on your bullshit detector. Ideally, it should be on all the time, but I understand that the religious among you have to suspend disbelief from time to time. Ahem. Anyway, fire up the old BS detector and wave it around at the message in question. Does it go off? Then don't forward or repost that message. Didn't go off? Then go on to the next step.

4. Remember that you're already on the internet. If it's a missing kid message, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Amber Alert Portal are good resources to check out first. For other messages, remember: Google is your friend. Snopes is your friend. Hoax-Slayer is your friend. And all those wonderful, informative friends are just a few clicks and/or keystrokes away. Look for the keywords from the message you're thinking of passing along. Do a little research so you don't immediately get a message back from me with a link to one of those sites. Here's a freebie: you know those email forwards that promise you'll get a gift certificate to whatever store if you forward the message to ten people? Not true, not even technologically possible. Becoming familiar with these sites will allow you to...

5. Know the warning signs of bullshit messages. If a message says "this is not a joke," it probably is. If it says "I don't know how this works, but it does," it probably doesn't. If it says "I don't know if this is true," it probably isn't.

It's a simple five-step plan to make Teh Intarwebs a little less dumb. A Sisyphean task, I know, but small steps, y'all. Let's put this plan into action with a couple of bulletins floating around myspace at the moment. My editorial comments are in bold.

1. Subject my space 2
Body: IDK if this is TRUE or not- Red flag!
Tom is in debt..... Payin for My Space The rumor is true. with all the fines and licenses tom has become in debt. n addition tom needs to clear the overly crowded site. We apoligize fot the let down, but starting January 6 , 2007. My space members will be charged 22.50 per month But there is something you can do . A petition, we will track this bulletin , And for Everyone who reposts it will recieve Grammar, people! a code for the first two years of My Space 2 Free. This is no joke. That means it is, remember? We We who? This message doesn't seem to be signed by its author. have tried our hardest to keep this from happening. My space 2 coming January 6, 2007 to get the free code, repost this bulletin as " My Space 2 " and look in your message box within a week

My reaction: Okay, so not only is this message poorly spelled, horribly punctuated, and in possession of random capitalization, it even messes up the site's name, putting a space between my and, well, space. If you were in charge of a massively popular website about to appeal to its users for money, wouldn't you make the effort to get the brand name right? And write like you weren't thirteen or stoned? Here's another thing that's really important to remember, and I'll put it in bold to make it stand out: Tom doesn't own myspace. News Corp does, and has for over a year. And believe me, Rupert Murdoch isn't going into any debt other than moral debt any time soon. Tom is just some dot-com guy who used to make porn, then became a co-founder of myspace. He's not sitting around looking for new users and friending them, stewing over his financial worries. Have you seen all the ads and sponsors? Myspace is sitting pretty.

2. Subject rapist on my space
Body: Body: WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPACE***PLEASE PASS THIS :
WARNING: RAPIST ON MYSPAC3***PLEAS3 PASS THIS : ****************************************************
THERE IS A RAPISt ON MYSPACE
WARNING READ!! RAPIST ON MYSPACE LOOK OUT Yeah, I get it, rapist on myspace. Okay.

please read.... not a joke....Ding ding ding!
State police Which state? warning for online: Please read this "very carefully" Yes, I'll "do that." ..then send it out to all the people online that you know. Something like this is nothing to be taken casually; this is something you DO want to pay attention to.

If a person with the screen-name of jokerkid613/Ja$on MoNeY contacts you, do not reply. DO NOT talk to this person; do not answer any of his/her instant messages or e-mail. Whoever this person may be, he/she is a suspect for murder in the death of 56 women (so far) contacted through the Internet. Holy shit! He's killed 56 women? Why haven't I seen this on the news, or read it in newspapers, or on, like cnn.com? Why is the media ignoring one of the most prolific serial killers ever? Oh, yeah, because it's not true. Please send this to all the women on your buddy list and ask them to pass this on, as well. This screen-name was seen on Yahoo, AOL, AIM, and Excite so far. This is not a joke! Again you tell me that! Methinks the joker doth protest too much. Please send this to men too...just in case! Send to everyone you know! Ladies, this is serious.

Jennifer S. Faulkner
Education/Information Specialist Roanoke Fire-EMS Well, no wonder they haven't caught him. They've got the firefighters looking for him instead of the cops.
541 Luck Avenue
Suite 120 Roanoke, VA 24016
540) 853-2257 (phone)
540) 853-1172 (fax)

IF WE CAN PASS ON JOKES, SURELY WE CAN PASS ON A WARNING THAT MAY SAVE A FRIENDS LIFE STOP YELLING AT ME!

My reaction: Sigh. Do I even have to debunk this one? Apparently I do, because I've seen it posted at least twice. First of all, it's an old hoax reformatted for this year, probably by a friend of this guy. Second, I went to jokerkid613's profile, and he's 19. If he's managed to lure and kill 56 women at that age, I salute him. His profile also lists the city where he lives, his date of birth, where he goes to school, and has pictures of him and, if that's his car in the homepage background, his tag number. If he's really a suspect in (dozens, no scores of) murders, he shouldn't be too hard to find.

In conclusion, use your common sense and a healthy dose of skepticism before you start forwarding and/or reposting messages that contain "Important Information." The eye roll you prevent might just be my own.